What Would You Do If You Knew You Couldn’t Fail?

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Would you make a change? Does fear hold you back? Years ago when I first moved to Texas, I got laid off. It was during the whole dotcom bust and I knew it was coming. I definitely saw all the signs and was well prepared to ride the sofa for a while until I found another job. The only problem is that I’m a planner.

pondering-blue-skiesI like to know when things will happen, how long, and all kinds of minute details. I don’t like uncertainty. I hated not knowing how long I was going to be out of work. How can you plan for something when you don’t know how long it’s going to be?! The timeframe didn’t really matter because I had enough savings to keep me from being homeless or even close, but I couldn’t allow myself to have fun since I didn’t know when I’d have an income again.

I had all the time in the world to take weekend trips or take some fun classes or just breathe… but I couldn’t. What if I spent $500 on a weekend trip and ended up not having enough money before finding a job? It seems so ridiculous now. Of course everything worked out, but looking back I wish I’d just been able to relax and enjoy having no 9 to 5 obligations. (I can only imagine what the unknown of retirement is going to be for me. Gah!)

The year was the perfect time to do all the things that I now long for, but I was too tied up with worry. I could have had an entire year of fun and frolic. I did do quite a bit of work on the house but I scrimped and saved in every way imaginable instead of just being in the moment. Last week was pure freedom to me while on Spring Break. I didn’t check email, didn’t call work, didn’t even think about work. I felt the sunshine on me. I breathed fresh air. I lived in the moment with The Kid.

It was so hard to go back to work today where I’m trapped at my desk for 8 hours with not even a peep of the outside. I don’t even have windows in my area and my co-workers keep the lights turned low so it’s pretty dark. I don’t mind my job but it’s just a job and nothing more. Many days I long for that year that I didn’t take full advantage of. I wouldn’t call it regret because it got me to where I am today, but I’d definitely do it different next time.

I decided that I’m going to take a couple breaks each day to walk to a window at the very least and dream while looking outside. It will be good to get up and move around for a change. The view is pretty too with lots of blue sky most days. If the weather is nice, I might even take a few minutes and actually step outside. Maybe the meaning of life will come to me suddenly. Maybe I’ll get a different perspective on things.

Maybe I’ll suddenly figure out how to do what I really want to do. How do you know what you want to be when you grow up? How do you convince yourself to take that leap of faith?

Speak Your Mind